100 word challenge by natasha

2014
06.04

it was a exstreamingly cold and windy day but this little girl called lily when out in the freezing cold enyway.as she was walking, so slowly,she came to a huge and mysterious gateway she gentaly pushed open then huge gate.”creeek” lily ran forward in fear suddenly the sky when pitch black ; lily  started running as fast as she could. then a gigantic flash of lightning struck and there standing right in front of her was her best friend Izzy but it was’nt really Izzy it was a gost comming to scare lily away the gost said “never come back are else i will haunt you for as long a you shall live. so lily went back vcry brave this time enyway. SHE WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN!…….

3 Responses to “100 word challenge by natasha”

  1. natasha5 says:

    100 word challenge by natasha

    2014
    06.04

    It was a extremingly cold and windy day but this little girl called Lily when out in the freezing cold enyway.As she was walking, so slowly,she came to a huge and mysterious gateway she gentaly pushed open then huge gate.”Creeek” Lily ran forward in fear suddenly the sky when pitch black ; Lily started running as fast as she could.

    Then a gigantic flash of lightning struck and there standing right in front of her was her best friend Izzy but it was’nt really Izzy it was a gost comming to scare Lily away the gost said “never come back are else i will haunt you for as long a you shall live. So Llily went back very brave this time enyway. SHE WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN!…….

    BECAUSE THE GOST HAS TAKEN HER DOWN DOWN BELOW!

  2. Larissa vickers from withern says:

    *speech marks
    *punctuation
    Wish
    Make it coherent and you rushing at the end it doesn’t fit. Your confusing the reader
    In the last couple of sentences

  3. Larissa vickers from withern says:

    Hiya Natasha well done for using:
    Cold
    Black
    Gateway
    Friend
    Running

    I have two stars and one wish for you
    Two stars:
    *speech marks “creeek”
    *cliff hanger at the end
    Wish
    Your writing isn’t coherent and you kind of jump at the end eg her best friend izzy but it wasn’t really izzy it was a ghost coming to scare lily away the ghost said “never come back or else I will haunt you for as long as I live. /when you’ve finished this speech end in speech marks you forget to put some at the end of this bit/ so lily went back very brave this time anyway/ lily went back where and why wasn’t she brave earlier, your confusing the reader/ SHE WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN… /why was she never seen again, where did she go?/

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