The Railway Children by Jordan

2012
03.30

Please give Jordan’s writing three stars and a wish

The children jogged down the railway track. Suddenly a colossal tree feel over. It sounded like an earthquake and the track was blocked. Waiting for the trembles to stop, the unweary children checked Peter’s watch. Phyllis nearly fainted!

The air was dusty and pinecones were scattered everywhere. The snapped tree was muddy and leaves were on the floor.

4 Responses to “The Railway Children by Jordan”

  1. Courtney says:

    Welldone Jordan

    * I liked the part where you said it sounded like a earthquake
    * Welldone for the use of the wow words
    * Also the part where the air was dusty and pinecones were scattered everywhere

    I think your getting well better at writing than you used to

    Wish: I wish you could write a bit more and look at other childrens work and you might pick it up of using more description and connectives

    Hope you have a nice easter and i hope you get all the chocalate you want 🙂

  2. John says:

    Super use of WOW words, especially the word ‘colossal’, it really helps me imagine the setting of your story. In your future writing could you maybe try and include some speech?
    Well done you have obviously tried hard with this.

  3. Charlotte Money says:

    * It was great i really did get a good pitcher in my mind about the tree falling down onto the track.

    * It was just great because it had so many different words in it such as connective and wow words there are a lot more but i would be here all day naming them when i read the word like a earthquake, i was very shocked and i just wonted to read more.

    * Jordan i am sooooo happy with what you put.

    Wish: I really wish you did a bit more writing.

    P.S I hope you have a good Easter….

  4. Miss Squires says:

    *Well done for using the connective ‘suddenly’, it made me feel quite shocked about the tree falling over!

    *I love the way you explain how the tree falling sounded like an earthquake. It makes me realise just how much of an impact the fallen tree has had on the railway line.

    *I love how you are very proud of your writing and wanted to share it!

    Wish: To tell me more about what happens. Do they prevent the train from crashing? How do the children react?

Your Reply


Skip to toolbar