A day in the life of a… (Lydia’s Big Write)

2012
03.24

Can you guess what Lydia is pretending to be? Please comment with your answers, writing in sentences to tell us how Lydia’s writing helped you think of your suggestion. Perhaps you could give three stars and a wish.

Wow this is absolutely amazing up here! I am quite adventurous, so this should be good.

I can see lots of lovely green grass and colossal trees, which look like they could touch the sky. There are children with nets, I am very perplexed at the moment. Beyond the colossal trees I can see smoke wafting up to the sky in a twisting, twirly line. It looked like an illusion.

Dazzled by the smell of smoke, I feel all dizzy and land on the dark brown bench. Sitting at the end of the bench are some kids. Suddenly, I am caught in what I think is a hand with insufficient space. Fluttering wildy to get out, I am let free to a free world again.

The things that I might get up to are amazing! I can hear children screaming loudly and spits and crackles from a bonfire. Nectar tastes quite nice, very sweet as well.

Excitedly, I flew up higher and higher to get away from the children. I feel quite excited about getting my next adventure, hoping that it will be different. Like a brainiac, I thought the best part was tasting the lovely sweet nectar. I have learnt never to go in a park when you are a…!

14 Responses to “A day in the life of a… (Lydia’s Big Write)”

  1. ruth5 says:

    That’s awesome Lydia it paints a vivid picture in my head

  2. amber sivill says:

    It was amazing! The twisting and twirling, the wow words and everything…i think you are a buttterfly

  3. Caroline says:

    Wow Lydia!
    What brilliant descriptions, I absolutely loved your piece especially the bit about smoke wafting up to the sky in a twisting, twirly line. I think you are a butterfly, if you were a bee the children probably wouldn’t have grabbed you.

  4. Viv says:

    What a lovely image – the freedom of a butterfly when it is high in the sky. I have only ever thought of butterflies down at flower level but, of course, they have another completely different life when they are flying across the fields looking for the next meadow to land in. It must be really exhilarating not knowing where the next gust of wind will take you and what your next adventure will be. Your story made me realise that a tiny butterfly is also vunerable: from wisps of smoke, from people trying to capture them, etc.

    Your playful and expressive writing transported me into another world that I had never thought of before.

  5. Miss Hanks says:

    Well done, Lydia. A delightful piece of writing that I enjoyed reading.

    It transported me back to a a time when I was around your age and I used to watch the many different species of butterflies on the Buddleia bush in our garden. My favourite kind were the colourful Peacock butterflies as they looked like they had eyes on their wings.

    I was wondering if you were a peacock butterfly or perhaps a different species?

  6. Mrs Whittaker says:

    The detail in your writing sets the scene beautifully. When I read this for the first time I thought that you were talking about the amazing world of a bee. However, after reading it again I think you may be a ladybird. I particularly liked the way you have used different sentence openings and I looked forward to seeing more on your class blog. Well done Lydia

  7. Louise says:

    What an enchanting piece of writing. I felt as if I were a butterfly; seeing the world through its eyes and experiencing the sensations as it would.

    The descriptive words painted the picture vividly.

    Most enjoyable. Thank you Lydia.

  8. Jasmin says:

    I love the way that you used lots of wow words in the text.
    I also liked when you described the setting with tuns of detale.
    Iliked when you used punctuation.
    To improve you could use even more sentence openers.

  9. Amanda says:

    What an enlivening piece – beautifully written.

    I think you are a butterfly. I noticed all the the references to flying and being up high and being caught in a hand. But I also spotted some other clues (I think) of you having been a caterpillar: previously a cocoon and now are an amazed and free creature flying and having adventures.

    You comment that you are feeling “very perplexed” and also thinking of the things you “might get up to” also made me think you had changed from a cocooned caterpillar with a very limited world to an adventurous butterfly.

  10. mary says:

    What a brilliant Big Write Lydia, I think you are a bee.

  11. Jessica Games says:

    – Great VCOP
    – descriptive sentences.
    – You used different ways to start [insted of she, he, I]

  12. Dee-Anne Lingard says:

    Wow what lovely writing. The detailed description you used was really great. I could imagine the smoke wafting and and the feeling of dizziness. Your detail and the use of brilliant words took me to another place perhaps like a bumble bee……

  13. Mrs Grooby says:

    This is a very detailed piece of writing with some fantastic description Lydia.

    Are you a butterfly?

  14. Miss Squires says:

    I loved reading your writing Lydia!

    You have used very effective WOW words, such as colossal, perplexed and insufficient. These words have made the reader aware of how tall the trees were and how it made you feel, well done.

    I like the way you started a new paragraph using ‘dazzled’ (an ‘ed’ clause). Straight away I was hooked and wanted to know why you were dazzled.

    To make it even better, my wish would be to intersperse your writing with some short, punchy sentences too. You have used, very effectively, lots of complex sentences. To make the reader feel the panic of being trapped in a hand, or worried about the children’s nets, you could use some short, sharp sentences to show your quick thinking.

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